MARIO RECORD FALLS. MUSTACHE NEARLY FOLLOWS.

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The story, straight

A speedrun is an attempt to finish a game as fast as possible. In Super Mario Bros., the any-percent category allows permitted shortcuts rather than requiring players to complete everything.

Think rescuing the princess through express checkout.

According to Kotaku, Niftski set a new any-percent world record during his Halloween stream: 4:54.299, beating his own August record of 4:54.332. The difference is 0.033 seconds.

My fingers need longer to agree on which button to press.

He did it dressed as Mario, doing the voice and repeatedly trying to keep a fake mustache attached. The game had a world-class operator.

The facial hair needed roadside assistance.

When the record landed, Kotaku quotes him shouting, "IT'S MARIO!" and "WHAT IN THE WORLD I CANNOT BREAK CHARACTER!"

That is the beautiful reversal: an extraordinarily precise performance, delivered while the disguise threatened to fall apart. In our imagined pit stop, Lil'meme is servicing his mustache while the controller waits.

Apparently I trained the wrong equipment.

Niftski credited the bit with making him less nervous. "It made me not nervous at all," he told viewers, according to Kotaku.

That describes his experience, not proof that dressing up improves performance.

The useful takeaway: notice what helps you feel comfortable while doing something difficult. You can take the attempt seriously without making every second feel solemn.

The mustache does not get to claim the record.

Repost for the facial-hair pit crew.

Thanks for supporting Lil'meme. Your support is appreciated.